Capo for Life!
The people of Tajikistan love their president Emomali Rahmon deeply. And as we now know, nearly all of them do. The last time a leader of similarly exalted stature enjoyed such unconditional and unshakable support from the entire citizenry was when comrade Joseph Vissiaronovich Stalin was in charge in Moscow. They’re feeling the Rahmon in Dushanbe!
Look at him! How can one not love him! Below the modestly sized image of dear leader Emomali Rahmon, the citizens of Dushanbe are partying to express their joy at the outcome of the recent referendum.
Photo credit: AFP
A referendum has just been held in Tajikistan, in order to give its citizens the unique opportunity to ensure a prosperous and peaceful future for the country for generations to come. Voters were asked to approve altogether 40 changes to the constitution. Two questions of especially grave importance were decided – and received the support of nearly 95% of the electorate, in a huge turnout to boot! As the Guardian reports:
Voters in Tajikistan have overwhelmingly endorsed changes to its constitution allowing the president, Emomali Rahmon, to run for an unlimited number of terms.
In a statement, the central election commission said 94.5% of votes cast in Sunday’s referendum had backed the 40 constitutional changes, while only 3.3% were against. Turnout in the former Soviet central Asian country was 92%, or just over 4 million people, the CEC said.
As well as lifting the term limit for Rahmon, the amendments also lower the minimum age for presidential candidates from 35 to 30, and ban the formation of parties based on religion.”
(emphasis added)
As you can see, Mr. Rahmon is a true unifier. Rarely are politicians able to inspire such displays of unanimity among their citizens. It seems obvious why it was important to make him president for life, but what about the other points we have highlighted?
As it happens, Rahmon’s son Rustam is 28 years old. By lowering the age limit for presidential candidates to 30 years, Tajikistan can be sure that the important job of president will remain in the hands of professionals for a very long time to come. The ban of parties based on religion had to be enshrined in the constitution because the only so-called “viable opposition” in parliament used to be a moderate Islamic party.
But how moderate was it really? Last year, Mr. Rahmon’s government banned it, declared it a terrorist organization and stripped its representatives of immunity (now you know where that other shining light of the Orient, Mr. Erdogan, gets his excellent ideas!). Its leaders are all on trial now. This probably also explains the complete silence of professional Western democracy spreaders on what some people describe as Mr. Rahmon’s “autocratic antics”. He has shown that he is clearly in possession of what GW Bush used to refer to as “mor’l clar’ty”.
Father and son: Emomali and Rustam Rahmon. Have you ever seen two people who manage to inspire as much trust as these two at the very first glance already?
Screenshot via CATV NEWS
Obviously, opposition parties are an unnecessary luxury anyway in a country the citizens of which have such a clear and unanimous understanding of who needs to be in charge.
A Great Leader
Emomali Rahmon has been Tajikistan’s leader for 25 years. Clearly, his people know him very well by now and are able to properly judge what a valuable asset for their country he is. Parliament has also recognized this, and consequently passed a resolution last year which bestowed the exclusive title “Leader of the Nation” on him and exempts him and his family from prosecution for all time.
Some pundits have complained that this means Rahmon and his family are “above the law”, insinuating that something is wrong with this decision. As Rahmon would no doubt tell them, it makes no sense to state that he is “above” the law. He is the law!
This month a new holiday has been introduced in Tajikistan in the Leader’s honor, once again underscoring his greatness. As the Guardian informs us, the country’s authorities are making efforts to ensure that schoolchildren also know how lucky they are to live in a country graced with such outstanding leadership:
“In February, the republic’s youth affairs committee launched a contest for the best essays by schoolchildren in praise of his heroic rule.”
Under Rahmon’s enlightened and heroic rule, Tajikistan has also made unprecedented contributions to astrophysics and space studies (the “study of space substances” actually, according to official statements). As the state news agency Khovar reported, at a ceremonial meeting marking the Day of Knowledge it was announced that a small planet in the solar system has been renamed “Tajikistan” by the International Astrophysicists Union (according to Google, unfortunately a hard-to-find institution lacking a web site).
According to press reports, the planet is located between Mars and Jupiter, and revolves around the sun every five years. Here it is:
Earth, Mars, Tajikistan, Jupiter…
Illustration via boingboing.net
Recently Tajikistan played host to a slight security-related faux-pas: The leader of its “OMON” special police forces, commander Gulmurod Khalimov, who has been trained in counter-terrorism techniques by Speznaz in Russia and by Academi in the US (he has been in the US for training three times) suddenly disappeared in early May.
It has now turned out that one need no longer worry – he is alive and well! Unfortunately he is no longer in Tajikistan though. Instead he resides in Syria these days, where he has joined ISIS and is issuing threats in the general direction of the governments of Tajikistan, Russia and the US. Oh well…Emomali is waiting for him! No amount of training can prepare the hapless former commander and his gang for the force of nature ruling Tajikistan.
Dear Leader Emomali Rahmon, wagging his finger…
Photo credit :Gero Breloer / Keystone / AP
Conclusion
Tajikistan is very lucky to have acquired such a wise ruler for life. During his reign the country has built Central Asia’s largest library, the world’s biggest tea house, and not to forget, its biggest maypole as well! What’s not to like?
